I so want this to be over, I so want this to be through


Things ain't turning any better &I can't help but feel the pressure, I don't understand why this affects me so much. It had me shatteringggg.

Been talking to my &lm about it, but I know no matter how afraid I am, or how insecure I get, they can't do anything to put me at ease. I mean unless I talk to Lix about it, or I'll never get a definite answer...

Lix will be back next week for bdiv trg, &I'm gna talk to her. Mh said I should, but I'm afraid my courage would fail me. Oh well, I'll give it a try.

And as for trg this week, I still can't hit 2km within 11mins. I feel my stamina's gone, all gone.

Alright, camp's in less than a week, with 2km timing, beep test &selection aside, I'm looking forward. &I can't stand the "we've made a mistake by putting in emotional players". Like what's that suppose to mean? Okay I know I'm easily affected on court too, but I guess that's harsh to say... Whatever alr.

Clearly, I want to make it to the team, &I definitely hope I will. I not give in anymore! I'll learn stop being affected by the play &put in the shot no matter how hard it is. I WILL!

I KNOW WHAT I WANT, &I'LL WORK FOR IT. C'MON, I'M GNA MAKE THIS WORK. I'M ALL SET, READY TO GO!

I can tell by the look in her eyes
Maybe I'm just another one of her lies

It ain't getting any better, &thanks to everyone, I'll try to move on. But like I've said, it's not easy...


Oh boy, this sucks.

Lix left, yet again :/

So much for having faith, she had it stepped right down today. Forget it, I can't reach it anyway.

Y'know, I'm falling way beyond the starting line. I can't even hit 2km within 11 minutes, what a joke. I just feel... like shit. I feel like I'm gna give up this sport, anytime 'cause I feel like a beginner in this when I've alr played Netball for close to 7 years. 7 years of Netball had me falling, &I can't seem to pull myself up anymore.

I admit I don't wna face it, I don't wna be in a situation where I'm not in B'division next year. It's just hard to except. I know I'm thinking too much but it's just weighing me down.

It's been two long weeks &sl's alr coming back tomorrow, I haven't improved one bit, &I really don't understand, like I've been constantly trg, but why? I don't know what has gotten into me, Netball has become something I'm not familiar with. I don't know how to split, to jump, to shoot, to catch balls, to dodge, to drive anymore. Everything, isn't going my way &it just sucks.

It's no use to tell me to have faith &confidence now 'cause it's just another encouragement. No one knows how much this means to me, &no one knows how much it's killing me inside. I can't show it during trg, 'cause I know it'll affect the team. I can't talk to anyone, 'cause no one knows this feeling. Out of the many of whom I've approached, they'd tell me 'don't worry, you'll get in, just train hard, it's no use worrying'. &I'm telling you, this does not help one bit! I'll just keep thinking about it more.

I guess it's gna be a tough week ahead, trgs on wed &fri, with no faith no confidence no stamina &whatsoever.

AND I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S NOT EASY TO CONSOLE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PLAY FIRST COMBINATION! SON OF A BITCH.

"Life Is Unfair."

Well, I think it's so true. Why am I not fast playing a shooter? Why do I not have any confidence in myself at all? Why can't I apply the stuffs I've learnt on court? I don't have an answer.

Honestly, I think I'm losing my touch on Netball. Like everyone's improving &moving on, but I'm still stagnant or even perhaps deproving &I feel I'm going way down down downnnnnnnnnnnnnn. I'm just troubled by this, like I love Netball &I want to play in zonals next year, but with this standard, how am I able to convince everyone that I can do it? I just... don't know.

My stamina's down, my speed's way off and I don't have good shots. &yeah, I admit I absolutely hate it when there's a contact on me and no call is made, but I'm trying to change. It's not easy, I doubt anyone can understand this feeling in me right now. Besides, my knees are giving me problems, I'm lost. Sometimes I really wonder, am I good enough for this team?

I know this is demoralising, but I just want to get this off my chest. I told my about it, and she said it's no use to harp on it. How can I not harp on it when it's troubling me so much? I hate this feeling. I don't have confidence of making the team now, I just don't think I will because of my play, my competitors and myself. How can I ever succeed? Y'know I really need this badly, but it seems like its too far from reach.

I hate it when I can't catch a simple pass, when I can't do a good move, when I get caught in defenders, when I can't break free, when I'm tired on court, when I'm not performing, when I'm not shooting, when I can't work with my team... It just, sucks.

Whatever it is, there's trg tomorrow. I'm gna work hard and play my best. I'm gna work it with my brains &not outrunning my player, and I just hope I can do it. At least it gives me a lil' more confidence.

I hate it when you speak, oh when will you ever stop gossiping about the players? I've heard enough.

Emërtimet: WH

It's tomorrow! :D

Trg's on wednesday, thursday &friday, I'm just happy.







You, light up my life :]

So Australia emerged Champions for the 9th time! &I missed the Tobago players ):
Anyhow, trg today was quite fruitful though there were many who couldn't make it, either sick or something else. Whatever it is, I bet most of us (me &limei) will turn up for wed's trg 'cause mrs tan's backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! :]

We did zone defence today, it's something very new to us 'cause we've never used that on court before. Oh well, coach says it's against certain schools. I think it'll be good if we know both ways, zone &man t man. I guess we'll do more on wed when the whole team's down.

Right, on a lighter note, I found out smth very interesting which I shared with Lim just awhile ago : D &Off link, players from the various teams in world champs are all very built with height ranging from 1.7-1.8m O: I'm jealous alr.

Alright, goodbye.
&no matter what, i'm not going to see the doc unless she tells me to! Eh? Lim, does this sound familiar? HAHAHAHAHA

I missed you quite terribly ):

3 days! Am uber excited.











Oh &I'm so not looking forward to trg, not that I dont wna train, just that I've to see you.

3 days.









It's the last trg together with the sec 1s today. I hope they'll put the stuffs we've taught them into use &honestly, I think they improved quite a bit just this week. Am glad they enjoyed trg &yeah, train hard girls :]

A big thank-you to the ppl that came down for trg :]
&yeah, somethings are better left unsaid. Like I said, it's over.

Ym, Daph, Chris, Mh &Yh came for trg &I played shooter with Yh! Happppppy :D It's been 6 months since we last trained together ]:

Camp soon, I'm excited but worried as well. Y'know, I really hope to play next year but then again, it's very competitive. Especially after you said those stuffs to us &I hate you for that. It's goddddddamned obvious you _____________________.

Oh well, I work for it.
GOODBYE.

(MY where're you? I've some stuffs on hand to let you know.)

4 days.

It's 5days before Lix's back. I can't wait :]

So it's one last trg together with the sec 1s before the coaches/rest of the team's back. Well honestly, I'm disappointed at the number of sec 3s turning up for trg this week. Like by right we're supposed to train with the sec 1s, not train the sec 1s.

I'm not directing this at anyone, but y'know your conscience &yeah, I'll leave it 'cause it's over.

Anyhow, I thank those who've been down for the previous trgs regardless of weather. Layhoe, Esther, Clarabelle, Sooling &of course my in-charge partner, Limei. Thank you so much for taking time off for this. (We're supposed to train anyway!) :D I love y'all for that.

Like I said, I can't wait for trg to start with Lix. So, till then.

It's a week before Lix's back! :)


I miss her alot, I'm serious VAL.











I can't wait for trg next week!
BYE!

At least not today...

'Cause if it's over let it go &come tomorrow it will seem so yesterday






Haven't you heard that I'm gna be okay


I ain't gna give this up, I promise.

I'm happy, 'cause Lix's coming back sooooooon :D


So I was on the phone with Li Mei &Min Hui last night and we more or less talked about the same stuffs altogether.

I'm sure we definitely have a slight change of opinion about her right? Yeah &I admit both of us do feel threatened D:
Alright, that aside, next week would be more of self train with the sec ones.


&I still dread to lead.

Good Bye.

It's the last trg before half the team leaves for s'pore-brunei camp next week. Trg was disastrous and I swear I never would want to lead again, it's just hard.

So we had this performance discussion after that and a Team Talk. Though everyone was given a chance to speak, but I think not everyone spoke their minds. Oh well, it's probably better to leave some things unsaid. Team says I need to control my temper/tantrums. I know I've bad temper, but it's hard for me to change just like that :/ I hope y'all understand &know that I don't mean anything near nasty. It's just mere frustration &yeah, I'll try, I'll be patient, MY :)

I hope after today, this team will get along better than we used to &we'll all improve together. I definitely want us to except each others' differences and attitudes because everyone has different characters. It's not easy to change someone, but if we could just except and understand, I think it'll definitely reduce conflicts.

To me, it's getting tougher &more competitive now that our selection is around the corner. Obviously everyone would want to make it to the team but, I hope this will not affect relations between players especially of the same positions. Help one another &tell em' their mistakes so they don't do it again. All in all, no matter who makes it and who does not, we'll still be one team, NV Netball.

I don't want anyone to demoralise themselves &have no confidence at all in making the team because everyone stands an equal chance &it's up to you to achieve it on your own. Keep trying. Work hard and train hard and if you don't make it, at least you've no regrets 'cause you've alr tried your best. But like I've said earlier, no matter what, we'll still be a team.

Alright, it's rather lengthy. I'll try hard to control my emotions/frustrations on court. See y'all next week :]

For NV Netball, "One Team, One Dream"
We want Top Fours next year, let's work towards it.

In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger, 'cause I can do it better, &I know it


It's the worst
You won't wna know




She's like so whatever :/

Carnival today was not that fantastic after all.

Zonals' are starting mid-january, but my physical isn't there yet. Oh well, we'll see.



I've been having runs since I came back :/ I'm so sick of it.

This is so random,
you've changed, definitely.

Val, is this big enough alr?

Hello dears :D

It's been a long time since I posted and I know it, buttttt my blog's not as dead as layhoe's!

My results were pretty disappointing but at least I'm allowed to continue with trgs. But yeah, physical trgs that is. We really need to brush up on our physical alr, &of course our court work :) It has been and it will be tough, but I hope all of y'all keep going. We'll pull through, we've done it before. Jia You mates!

2spokes today nearly took my life, my knees are giving me problems alr. Like it's just the start of the season? Oh well.

&coach's sick, so we trained with ms xu. I finally saw lx after weeks &I guess we all miss her. My said my shots were good because of her. Hahahah, probably. Only that she said I looked like an auntie :/ I should have reminded her of her nose, lol.

Yup, B's will be having trg every 1,3,5. Persevere mates, it's top 4 we want! Keep going!

I know it's lengthy but I've heard a good news :) I doubt it'll be an ideal thing to post it here so yeah, full stop.

I'll change my blogskin soon, cause ___'s having the same as mine. &HAHAHA, you didnt make it. Awwwwwwwwww :x
Okay that's a lil' evil, I shant say any further, in case of retribution D:


My ultimate goal is main7.